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How To Lose A Guy In A Couple Hours?

Date: March 5, 2012
Time: 11:20 am
Location: Starbucks/145 Street/Harlem, New York

I frequent several Starnucks throughout the week, listening to cliché soul music while procrastinating on my debut novel. Today, I decided on the Starbucks closest to my place.

I’m here right now, minding my business, in the midst of writing a brand new post for you all, when all of a sudden this happens:

There’s a guy sitting at a table nearby, and as he gets up to walk towards the back where the restrooms are, he puts down his business card on my table, information side down. Of course this is peculiar to me, and I don’t know why he would do such a thing because I haven’t been talking to anyone, I haven’t looked in his direction. I’ve been writing. Like I said, minding my business.

I turn the business card over anyway. On the card his cell number is circled, with the following words written above an arrow pointing to the circle:


Now the first question people probably want to know is, what does he do, maybe it was to discuss business? My answer is, it doesn’t really matter what he does. If this was about business, he would hand the card to me, introduce himself, and state his purpose. But he did nann one of those things. Who says “text me” about business? If I told a woman to text me about business, it would be because I’m a gigolo.

So we can all agree, this guy is trying to holler at me. Not the first time it’s happened to me. I’ve had guys hit on me before, but, usually these situations were in passing, and I was able to escape a situation without having say something like, “not interested” or “not interested because I’m straight.”

But this situation is nothing like those. I’m over here posted, trying to be productive for the duration of the day, but I might want to leave at some point. Meanwhile, he has just plugged his computer in to be charged, which lets you know it’s about to be a long day for him. So here’s where I need the help of my dear readers, specifically the female ones.

In the event I am ready to leave before he is, how do I reject him?

If this were a woman, I would be able to handle this situation easily. I’d probably take the card, then throw it away outside. I’m thinking about doing the same thing here, but we all know if I took the card dude’s hopes would go through the roof. I’m not trying to lead this guy on, risk running into him at this same Starbucks at a later date, and then have an awkward conversation in which I’m asked why I never texted him.

The other thing I could do is leave without taking the card. That would send a message loud and clear, but here’s what I worry about: What if he grabs my elbow and says, “You forgot something”? Now we’re fighting, in a Starbucks because anyone who grabs my elbow and thinks it’s okay would have a fight on their hand, but I digress…

The next option is to walk out of here, and on my way, simply put the card back on his table without saying a word. But is that rude? As interested as I’m not, I’m not rude. In the past, when I’ve been approached, I usually just say in a deadpan voice “Naw” then keep it moving. This dude didn’t do anything wrong, he just approached the wrong guy because I’m not going to text him, and his card will never see the inside of my pocket. Also, I feel like this move would also result in him trying to say something to me, and I’m not even trying to have a conversation about why I’m not interested.

I feel like women get approached this way all the time, and I must say, seeing as I am now in a dilemma similar to the one they go through constantly, I admire the guts they have to shut dudes down repeatedly. So ladies, what is a man to do? Please respond as to how you would handle a situation in which a guy you weren’t interested in dropped a card off at your table, without saying a word, and on the card were the words “Text Me.”?

Your responses are appreciated and please respond quickly. I’m not leaving here until someone helps guide the way.

When everything is resolved, I’ll update the post accordingly.


A couple hours went by and we were still sitting at our respective tables. I continued to avoid eye contact with him, but at one point, I made a crucial mistake.

When I’m thinking in the midst of writing, I have a tendency to fidget. Usually, I fidget with my phone, or my headphones, whatever is in arms reach. Well, today, as I’m deep in a rhythm with the things I’m working on, I notice I’m fidgeting with the card he left on the table. Talk about awkward! Luckily this happened while the guy was at the counter placing an order, so he didn’t notice. I put the card back in the same spot, and focused back on my work, both hands on the keyboard the entire time. I said to myself, “Jozen, today you gonna learn not to fidget.”

Some more time goes by, and I’m starving. I want to leave, and I decide if I have to leave and he’s still at his table, I’m going to put the card back down on his table, not say a word, and keep walking. But a few minutes go by and notice he’s starting to pack up, or at least I think that’s what he’s doing.

Can you all believe this guy put on his hoodie and his jacket only to stay where he was at for about 30 more minutes? Unbelievable.

Finally, the guy went on his way, and 20 minutes later, I took the card, stuffed it inside my empty Starbucks cup, and disposed of it as I made my way to the nearest Chipotle.

Thanks for the advice everyone.

  • Lauren Ashley

    You could have given it back to him immediately after he placed it on the table to leave no grey area….but now that you’ve held onto it attempting to find a way to let him down easy he’s going to question it regardless. So I would just leave it there and walk out. lol

  • rakiathegreat

    Leave the card exactly where he put it, exactly how he put it there. Don’t look in his direction while you’re working or when you leave. If he steps to you with the “You forgot something” line, simply shake your head and reply, “Nope, that’s not mine.” Then keep it moving. He’ll get the point.

  • Anonymous

    This is tricky.  Being direct is often the best approach, but what if dude flips it on you and tries to claim he wasn’t trying to holler?

  • Bri

    I am always honest and forthcoming usually with a lie like I have a man. But I am always thankful when men put themselves out there like that. I always thank them say I’m tremendously flattered but it wont work out because I have a 6’2″, 316 lb man at home.

    U should tell him u have a girl and simple (semi honest) facts.

  • Jay

    I would write “no, thank you” on the card and
    hand it to dude on the way out. Or if your girl is
    near by, I’d have her stop by give her a kiss and
    walk out with her with the card still on the table.

  • Kristin

    I’d continue working until you’ve finished. Once you’re done, simply grab the card, place it on his table as you’re walking out and say respectfully, “I’m sorry, I’m not interested.” You don’t have to say anything else. No need for a qualifier or explanation. He’ll get the point, you would have been cordial, everybody’s fine. That way if you happen to bump into him again, they’ll be no problems.
    Via: @minordetail

  • Guest

    I would give him his card back with a polite “I’m not interested” or “No, thank you.” And go back to your business.  It’s not rude.  But it is direct (which a lot of people confuse for rude.) And in this situation, you need to send a clear message: 1) You aren’t interested. And on the off chance you run into him again, you still won’t be interested;  2) You aren’t buying what he’s selling.  You’re in sbux for business and he needs to respect your space; and 3) Being approached by a man doesn’t shake you up enough to write a blog about it, then scurry out the back door because you’re routinely avoid confrontation.  🙂

    I’ve been approached by Women before and I just reject her the same way I do a man I’m not interested in: be direct and gracious.

    Good luck! 

  • Blakladyj

    I think you shoulg give the card back to him on your way out and tell him that ur straight..Just say sorry man, I’m not interested and go about ur merry way.  That way there shoudltn be any awkwardness in the future…Iif he was bold enough to make that move then hes brave enough to handle rejection as long as its respectiful.  I mean what would u want a female to do if u approached her in that way?

  • Simone

    Write “have a nice day” and give the card back.

  • Guest

    How dare he make S-bucks an uncomfortable environment?! lol…Leave the card right where he left it and continue what you were doing as if that unwelcomed gesture never happened. If he is bold enough to approach you to “chat” let him know where you stand. Hopefully he will keep it moving and take his card with him.

  • I.Mind.

    I think you should make sure he doesn’t do something you could use like taxes or marketing or PUBLISHING… so check that FIRST, if so, I would text him “I’m straight, but I need a publisher. What you got on this book advance?”


  • Leressa J

    I agree, I would write no thank you and return it to him, face down without saying a word and exit the building.

  • ms_sarafina

    Dude are you still there?? I would simply not acknowledge the card if I were you. Leave it on the table or get rid of it outside. If you see him again you are not obligated to say anything as he didn’t even properly “chop” you. If he wants to chime in then and ask why you never text, you simply respond that you aren’t interested and he would have known had he actually attempted a conversation (okay you can leave that last part out). So sad that even the gay community has fallen victim to this anti-social dating/chopping trend. If he can’t even talk to you to introduce himself, don’t give it much thought.

  • Kenfole

    write ..Im straight on the front of card..(which could be taken either way as in literally “im straight” or slang meaning “im cool, no thank you”) then leave it face down on his table on your way out the door

  • tropicgyal

    I would suggest you give him back his card with a “I think you dropped this.”  Keep it simple, and he should take the hint.  This is just another reason to not support Starbucks…but I digress.

  • Chicagal

    I would make a light of it. Take his card back to him and say “Sorry man, I think your gaydar’s off a little today. Im flattered but not interested. Take it easy.” Then casually stroll out the door.

  • MaskedMamba

    Keep it simple and leave the drama for the theater majors.  On your way out just drop the card on his table and tell him “no thanks, not interested. have a good day”.  Direct and to the point, not rude. If he is bold enough to leave the card on the table he has to at least be expecting a potential rejection.  He’s bold at least he doesn’t have regrets! LOL  

  • Shante Boyd

    Hilarious… Just smile and continue on with your work, if you pass him just drop the card and say Have a nice day.
     P.S. I think I saw you on the D train on Saturday afternoon.

  • ThisisTee1

    MaskedMamba is on to something here. As a woman, I’ve been approached by men (and sometimes women) I had no interested in at all. The issue is, men and women react to rejection differently. Women never have, but sometimes dudes try to get physical. Clearly, if dude grabs your elbow, fisticuffs could most certainly ensue and who wants that? And as far as being uncomfortable if you saw him again at the S’bucks…Oh well. I mean, I’m sure more embarrassing things have probably happened. A simple, “No thanks” should do it. That way, if he was trying to holler he gets the point.  Also, if he tries to say he WASN’T trying to holler *insert side eye*, your “no thanks” could mean no thanks to doing business with him. I mean, who wants to do business with someone who operates like that anyway…..

  • Lauren B

    If you wanna silently hand me a card, I’m gonna silently hand it back. And it will read “No, Thanks.”

  • Tea

    I’m a fan of the leave the card on the table thing. OR you could write on the card: “No thank you.” or “No thank you, I’m straight.” OR “I’m straight.”

    Actually, I’m straight is probably the best way to go because it’s literally and figurativily saying you’re not interested.

  • Tea


  • myrna orvam

    I would just give him his card back and say “No thank you, not interested”. Now what would be hilarious is if he wasn’t trying to hit on you but just wanted to chat with you privately regarding your blog. So there he is in Starbucks reading today’s post about himself and just sitting there to f**k with your head. LOL

  • BajanAlex

    I would just give him back the card and be on my merry way……..

  • Doesn’t Matter

    My default is “I have a boyfriend” (although 99% of guys that approach me don’t care and either think I should cheat on fake boyfriend or ask something stupid like “You can’t have friends?” Ugh you guys are so irritating sometimes.) I know I’m late but the best thing you could have done was to have written “I have a GIRLfriend,” on the card before returning it. I hope he’s not persistent, lol.

  • Ava

    See…I’m always flattered when that happens. If a man or woman thinks I’m attractive, I’m all for it! My standard line is “I’m flattered but I’m sorry; I’m committed.” Its polite, it acknowledges the advance, and if I see that person again, we can both smile and not be awkward.  

  • 30thoughts

    Even if you weren’t straight, what kind of way is that to approach someone you’re interested in romantically?? I would leave the card on the table. I don’t think that’s rude. He put the card on the table, so why is it rude for you to leave it there?

  • Sony

     I located your blog on Google and wanted to say that I greatly enjoyed several of the articles I read. I enjoy reading and studying about all sorts of subjects.

  • TJ

    Seeing as it’s so late, I’m sure you’ve left the Starbucks.

    Initially I thought this guy probably recognized you from the blog and wanted your help/input to approach a woman, who’s also a patron at this particular Starbucks. After reading the update, I see that my hypothesis was incorrect…sorry dude.