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Five Basic Things A Man Can Do To Turn A Woman On

Guys, I don’t know if you know this but the bar to impress women has been lowered. The bar is so low we don’t even need to walk underneath it anymore. We can hop right over it. I don’t know exactly when this happened nor how it happened, though I do know I can point the blame to my no-good brethren. You guys have not been about a damn thing for so long, you got guys like myself out here looking like Jordan, and I can’t even dunk!

The bad news is, it’s built up a lot of cynism from women. The bar is lowered because frankly, women are tired of holding it up so high and seeing all us guys with our pathetic hops, fall short. So now these women are holding this bar right at their waste with nothing but attitude.

The good news is, there’s hope for us yet. I truly believe because of “Basketball Wives” and “Real Housewives” women who married into their fabulous lifestyle are less desirable than ever. Don’t get me wrong, the modern woman still loves nice things, but they have a more “Sex and The City” I-can-get-it-myself type attitude. Women don’t need men to make them fancy anymore. They don’t even want us to do that sort of thing.

You know what they want?

Basic sh*t.

The bare freakin’ minimum.

Allow this list of five simple things to be your guide, fellas. Trust me when I say, if you do any one of these things or even all five (which is completely doable) the women will be lining up at your doorstep asking YOU out.

Now a bunch of you guys are probably saying, “Why should I smile?” How about these for reasons:

You’re alive.
You’re breathing.
You’re NOT having a bad day.

I don’t know but those seem like pretty good reasons to show some teeth or at least curl your lips upward. It’s gotten to a point with me, where I use smiling as a deterrent. If a woman doesn’t dig the fact that I’m smiling, it’s probably because she’s angry and her heart is tiny. The fact is, I know I get more girls smiling than the next man gets not smiling. My smile is the reason girls approach me, something they rarely do and usually, they ask one question: What are you smiling about?

Dude, you’re 25 and all you have are female friends? What is wrong with you? Get a friend, with facial hair. Once you got that down, go figure out a way to spend some time kicking it that doesn’t involve video games or even being inside. Women don’t care if a man wants to hang out with his friends, they care he wants to play video games with his friends.

Here’s a fact: The more spontaneous activity, the less expensive it has to be. My dude, if you tell a woman to meet you at the corner of this street and that street at 8 p.m., and she is free at that time, she will be there five minutes early. It doesn’t matter that on that corner is a Chipotle. What she appreciated is you took charge. If she doesn’t feel like Chipotle, she’ll tell you, and you two can go somewhere else, but she met you there, because you told her to and she likes that.

This is one I’m just getting hip to, but women love, absolutely love a man who takes care of himself in a non-vain way. Whenever I’ve told a woman I’m getting a physical or I am scheduled to see my therapist, the ladies want a piece right then and there. I don’t know what it is, but if you can’t tell a woman you are a doctor, the next best thing is to tell a woman you have a doctor.

For the guys who are dating a woman with their own place, you don’t need to get her flowers. I mean, it would be nice. As a matter of fact, maybe you should. But you know what’s easier to get her than flowers? A carton of all the juice you drank and a new tube of the toothpaste you keep using every time you spend the night.

  • J Gray

    Why, yes, we rather like it when men do basic ass things before we have to nag them about them. Someone trained you well. Signed, A Woman

  • Tiffani Butler

    So, so, very very true!!! Especially the last three

  • La Eve!

    wow…it’s kind embarrasing to even have to tell men this! 

  • Anonymous

    Great points, we’re soooo easy. Some other embarrassingly small things that get me tingly.

    -Eat healthy
    -Love your family
    -Ask her if she’s ok
    -Remember something small
    -Share good news/something personal with her

  • Lo

    I would add do house chores/fix shit. 
    Nothing sexier than, “girl, I got that…go relax” 

  • Doug

    What kind of men have these women been hanging out with?  Clearly these rules only apply to the average guy, it doesn’t matter what a man does if he’s cute or rich enough, then all those annoying habits become endearing character traits.

  • D. Rose in the paint

    The best thing you can do is ignore this list….stop placing women on a pedestal 

  • Tia

    These are the most basic things that we love. It’s not rocket science and by the way, if your an ass whole, it doesn’t matter how cute or rich you are,NO WOMAN WILL WANT TO BE BOTHERED WITH YOU!!!!

  • Guest

    Lick her butthole and she will never leave you. Try it after she showers.