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Archive for May, 2014

This Is How Arguments Start

May 29th, 2014 4 comments

People ask me if Gina and I have argued yet, and I’m proud to say we actually have. Thus far, they haven’t been over anything deep, but of course, they have been caused because one of us or both of us were being petty. Below is an example of what I’m talking about. This actually happened and I’ve rehashed it as accurately as I can remember.


Like most New Yorkers, Gina and I travel around the big city mostly by public transportation, but every couple of weeks, she travels out to her parents place in New Jersey to pick up her old car and use it for a week.  Save for an easier trip for a grocery store binge, going on day trips out of the city, and moving large items from one place to another, the convenience of a car is minimal. As much as I love to drive, doing so in New York City is a hassle not worth the time or the energy, which kind of doesn’t matter in this instance because I can’t drive Gina’s car anyway. She uses a stick shift and I only know how to handle an automatic.

But that is not where the inconvenience lies. The biggest frustration with driving in New York City is a bitch named parking.

In New York City, the more residential neighborhoods have alternate side street parking. On Monday and Thursday and Tuesday and Friday, you must move your car and park on the alternate side of the street generally before 8 AM until 11 AM (Wednesdays and the weekends are exempt in most areas). This means finding parking the night before or in the hours before the alternate side rule takes effect is  like trying to find a spot in a mall parking lot the day after Thanksgiving.  Imagine feeling that anxiety and frustration four days out of the week.

Now try to picture two people in this situation trying to get along.

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Categories: Stories Tags:

Overrated Argument: Phone Passwords

May 28th, 2014 1 comment

“Why the hell do you have a six-digit password?”

My boy looked at me with sheer confusion on his face when he asked me this question sometime last summer.

“I mean, aren’t you single? Who are you hiding from?”

I didn’t have an answer to his question as I was looking up directions for the next place we were going. He had a point. I had a long password to get in my phone and at that time in my life, the only one who was going through it was me. Sure, I had to account for a crazy girl or two who may be prone to want to see if I received any nudes from anyone but them, but back in those days, I considered snooping a huge no-no in my relationships with women, and the only way to teach that lesson was letting them discover things they really weren’t ready to see on their own. So if they found something, lesson learned.

Considering the strong point my boy made, I decided to take the password off my phone and I noticed the difference immediately. No longer did I have to worry about keeping it steady in my hand as I typed in my password to check it in awkward positions. Sure, it didn’t take more than a couple of seconds to get through my phone security system, but I noticed how much more efficient everything became once I shaved those seconds off by opting not to have a password.

When I got into my current relationship, I didn’t bother putting a password back on my phone. I thought about it, but only in the sense that I noticed I never felt compelled to do so, which was always the case in prior relationships. Even in the past, I can’t say I was always hiding something, but having at least something to hide became such a habit, well, I ended up having a password on things even when I didn’t need them.

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Categories: Relationship Facts Tags:

Not All Girls Will Like You and That’s Okay

May 27th, 2014 5 comments

I had my first kiss in fourth grade. That week, rumors were circulating that the girls in our class had a meeting and decided each of them would kiss a boy on the schoolyard, with no warning beforehand. The boys in the class only knew basic math, but it was all we needed to figure out that because there were more girls than boys, a couple of us were going to be left out of the attack of our dreams.

When I was 17-years-old, I lost my virginity. According to this recent study by the Center for Disease Control, that is the average age for American men and women, but you couldn’t tell me I wasn’t late to the party. Prior to when it actually happened, if a baseball teammate of mine or one of the other boys I hung out with asked me how old I was when I lost my virginity, I would lie and say 14. When I was 14, I said 13.

Both my first kiss and losing my virginity happened years apart from each other, but I distinctly remember feeling the exact same way up until the moment they occurred. That week of my fourth grade year, I remember being worried I wouldn’t be one of the lucky ones to get a kiss. Before I lost my virginity to my high school sweetheart, I remember praying to God that I wouldn’t die a virgin. Considering I had no idea what either of these experiences actually felt like, on a physical level, I never understood why I wanted them to happen to me so badly.

It would be years before I realized what I was so anxious about: I wanted girls to like me.

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Categories: guys Tags:

Six Months Later, How I Feel Now

May 22nd, 2014 3 comments

We have more time in front of us than we do behind us, but when our future comes, I want something to be on the public record that states how I felt after being with you for only six months.

When I realized I was in love with you, I told you I felt this way before. I know it wasn’t the most romantic thing to say, but sometimes we have to sacrifice the sweet talk for honesty. My larger point was, my feelings for others never stopped me from being self-destructive. I used to think if I loved a woman enough, I would change. As it turns out, that old saying about love not being enough is true. But eventually, change came from within, I changed on my own, so when you found me, I was ready in some ways.

I was ready to say I love you when I did because I was sure. I was ready to tell my mother about you when I did because I was sure. I was ready to bring you around my friends because I was sure. I was ready to be public about you to those who follow me because I was sure.

What was I so sure about? It wasn’t only your love for me, but your faith in me too.

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Categories: Life Tags:

How To Use Groupon On A Date Without Her Knowing

May 21st, 2014 2 comments

It’s always a point of contention between team thrifty and team ball-so-hard: To use Groupon or not on a first date.

If you’re on Twitter, like I am, you will see this debate pop up every six weeks or so. Some men and women agree their should be no shame in using a Groupon or any sort of discount available to them when out on a date. The opposition feels differently, with women thinking it’s tacky, and the men who are on their side saying if he really cared about the girl, he’d pay full price.

I fall somewhere in between both of these groups.

Do I think Groupon is acceptable to use on a first date? Yes.

Do I think it’s tacky? Yes.

Do I use it based on what I feel about the girl? No.

Did I use it on my first date with my girl? No.

But on our first date, we had Ramen at a glorified food court called Gotham West Market, and before you judge, even the sophisticated palate of Chrissy Teigen digs it.

I only bring up my first date with Gina to make a point: You don’t need to use Groupon to have an affordable date. Most places offering Groupon deals are expensive and giving you an option for it to be less expensive, which is not necessarily the same as affordable. Ivan’s Slurp Shop was a good deal without a Groupon, and if you’re trying to save some money on a first date, I highly suggest you seek out the charming yet budget-friendly places instead of deals on the high-end place.

Nonetheless, I understand some of you have a penchant for real tablecloths and linen napkins. I also understand the dilemma of having champagne tastes, or maybe that’s not you, but those are the type of women you like, and you have an orange juice budget. In your case, Groupon or companies like Groupon such as LivingSocial, are a game-changer, a life saver. I get it, and I encourage you to thrift on, kind sir, but must you be so reckless with it?

Absolutely not.

Let me show you how to pull of a Groupon without getting caught.

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Categories: dating Tags:

Why Single People Should Hang Out With Couples

May 20th, 2014 1 comment

First, a story:

I was 13-years-old, and everyone in my crew had a girlfriend. Everyone, except for yours truly. I did not notice this at first; it took me a while before I realized I was an outcast even though I was plenty welcome to hang out. My friends did not treat me differently than they had before, their girlfriends were plenty nice to me as well. The feeling, at first, was nothing more than a larger friend circle. But after awhile, even with my group’s good intentions in play, I began to feel like an outcast. Over time, that feeling carried itself from the school grounds into my house, where I came home sulking noticeably in front of my mom and Richard.

My mom pressed me to tell her what was wrong, but I knew even back then, as much as it sucked to be the only single person among my boys, it was a really silly reason to be moping around looking like Eeyore. When I finally confessed to her why I was sad, she was nice enough to let me have my moment, but also reminded me that it wasn’t important. I too would have my day with a girlfriend of my own, but my focus should be on my studies anyway. I knew what she meant, even though it didn’t ever make sense to me why I couldn’t study hard and have a girlfriend at the same time.

Then Richard came in, and he saw my face, still pouting. He looked at me and asked, “What’s wrong?”

I already had a hard enough time telling my mom, so I damn sure didn’t want to tell Richard that I was a little sad over the fact that all my boys had girlfriends and I didn’t.

He turned to my mom to ask her, “What’s wrong with him?”

Now I thought my mom had my back, and wouldn’t out me to Richard, but boy was I wrong. She probably thought I needed someone else to tell me how absurd I was being, so she snitched.

“Oh, he’s sad because he doesn’t have a girlfriend while all his friends do.”

There was an awkward silence in the room. I think Richard understood like only men could what I was feeling. It’s not so much I wanted a girlfriend as I wanted what a girlfriend represented: Approval from the opposite sex. I was young, pubescent, and I liked girls, which meant all I really wanted was for girls to like me back.

But my Pop thrived on teachable moments. He never wanted to see me fail at something, but he knew if I wasn’t successful there was an opening for him to teach me a lesson. Me tripping over the fact that I wasn’t the flavor of the month according to the girls at Martin Luther King Jr. Middle School was that kind of moment.

“Boy, you actually have two girlfriends,” he said.

Confused, I looked up at him, “Huh? How?”

“Put your right hand out,” he said.

I did as instructed.

“Now keep that out and put your left hand out too,” he said.

I did as I was told to do.

“Those two hands, those are your girlfriends, and when one of them gets tired, you have the other one right here.” He then made a half circle with both hands and started moving them up and down through the air.

My mom was shocked and yelled, “RICHARD!”

“What,” Richard said. “I’m telling him the truth.”

Then he walked away, while my mom told me not to listen to him and go do my homework.

Again, I did as I was told, but Richard’s advice was still lingering in my head. I had no idea what he meant, but at 13-years-old it didn’t take me long to figure it out.

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