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Eleven Lessons Learned After Living In New York City For 11 Years

July 9th, 2015 2 comments

Eleven years ago today, I stepped off a plane at JFK International Airport. It wasn’t my first time visiting New York City. I had been here enough times to not be in awe of the city skyline as my plane was touching down. I even lived here once, albeit temporarily for a three-month summer residence between my junior year and senior year at Howard University. I lived with my brother in Astoria Queens and interned at Vibe magazine in Manhattan. Instead of awe and excitement, my feeling was firmly one of anxiety as I loaded up a cart with my luggage. Unlike my previous visits, this was a one-way trip. I was here to stay and I had no idea when I would leave.

All these years later, I still don’t know when I’m buying a one-way ticket out of here. These days whenever I’m asked if I see myself staying (and as long as you tell people you’re from somewhere else, they will always ask you when you’re leaving) I shrug because I don’t know if that day will ever come. I’m not a New Yorker but New York City has become home, and that is a very bittersweet thing for me to say. Outside of Seaside, California, the city where I was raised, I have spent more time living in New York than I have anywhere else. And while I always grew up with a dream of one day living in the Empire State, I don’t know if that dream ever entailed me staying this long.

But here I am with no exit strategy in mind. This puts me in the unique position of being able to help those who are either thinking about moving to the city or packing their bags to do so. As long as I have been here, I still identify more with the wide-eyed newcomers than the natives. I was once you, but didn’t have very many people who I could talk to not just about living here but trying to figure out how to call this place home. These are the lessons I’ve learned in my quest to get comfortable in New York, New York, big city of dreams.

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Three Things You Need To Do Since Your Girl Is Going To See ‘Magic Mike’ And Magic Mike XXL

July 2nd, 2015 17 comments

What’s up, folks!? A quick note for those who are seeing this post for the first time. I originally wrote it back when the first “Magic Mike” hit theaters. But now, with the release of the sequel, I thought it would be a good idea to repost it. I haven’t edited anything largely because judging from the trailer, it seems to be the same movie. So fellas, read and share this with your boys because I wrote it for us, the men whose women are going to see Magic Mike XXL.

Fellas, today your girl is not thinking about you. She isn’t worried about you and unless your real name is Mike, she doesn’t know your name. Why? “Magic Mike” comes out today, and if you haven’t heard about it, go to Google and get ready to shut your laptop within the first 30 seconds of that trailer.

Yep. That was Channing Tatum dancing half naked on your screen. I’m sorry, man but I had to put you onto game, because the fact is, women are out here buying two tickets for this movie. They’re buying one for themselves to see at lunch and the other to see after work.

Women are excited for this movie about male strippers, which is not to say they like male strippers. Most women I know say they actually loathe male strippers in real life, which I totally get because like, I’ve lusted for p0rn stars on my screen, but in real life? I don’t know if I’m going to date one, except for Michelle Tucker. Michelle Tucker gets all my forgiveness for her past, but that’s neither here nor there, moving on…

Very rarely does a movie come out with the sole intent of getting every woman in the audience to cross their legs multiple times throughout the film. Women never get treated to SCENES that appeal to their carnal side, let alone whole movies, so when something like “Magic Mike” comes out, they’re all in.

Meanwhile, because you might not have heard about this movie, you’ve just been chilling when you should’ve been in the gym or on the floor of your residence, knocking out pushups. If this is or was you, bravo sir. You knew better than to let yourself go as the promotional blitz for “Magic Mike” was heating up to today’s release. You can live comfortably knowing your woman will go see a movie with half naked men but come hot for YOU because you look like those dudes on the screen.

As for the rest of you guys, there’s still some things you can do to ensure your woman will not carry over some residual heat from the theater, because if she is hot, it’s certainly not for you. Here are my tips for the men who must endure their women going to see “Magic Mike” once or twice.

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